23. Unity

Unity is where we have a sense of shared identity with someone. This is different from the previous rules.

Social Proof only requires that other human beings are doing or not doing a certain thing. Liking is about actually liking someone and wanting them to like us. For Unity, we may not know the person individually, and if we do we may not necessarily like them, but we share a sense of identity with them.

An obvious example is the military. You may not know or like everyone in your battalion, but if you are wearing the same uniform and shooting at the same people, you are on the same side. That creates not only unity, but the urge to preserve that unity and stand by your tribe.

Cialdini illustrates this with one of his college classes. He compared attitudes of students and their parents by asking both to fill out questionnaires. Student compliance was always high, but the parents typically responded at a rate below 20%. One small tweak increased the parent response rate to 97%. The tweak: Cialdini told the parents he would give their children an extra point on one test if their parents completed the survey. One point on one test in a semester-long course, pretty inconsequential. But by invoking the concept of Unity in helping a family member, he moved the response rate from poor to nearly perfect.

Ethical Use of Unity

If you are involved in a cause or a company where people are working towards a common goal, being a good team player is a positive thing. You can enjoy the sense of camaraderie without it being manipulative.

Within the ex-JW community itself, the rule of Unity operates naturally. If you are talking with someone who also grew up in the organisation, you automatically "get" each other at an instinctive level. You both remember the echoey, droning public speaking that sent you to sleep at conventions. You both know how it feels to be told the government is going to hunt you down. You both know the relief when you knock on a door and the householder is not home. You also both know the pain of leaving and losing people you loved.

That shared experience creates an automatic sense of understanding. It is one of the reasons communities like this one exist, and why they matter.

How JWs Use Unity

We knew we could travel anywhere in the world and visit any Kingdom Hall, and instantly know the beliefs, values, morals, and expectations of everyone in the entire building, give or take a few "bad associations" or "spiritually weak" ones.

There was enormous emphasis on global unity, on all of us speaking the "pure language," and anyone who broke that sense of unity by "murmuring" or "causing divisions" was harshly judged and usually ostracised, marked, or disfellowshipped.

The enforced standard of Unity also worked as a firewall against common sense. It made it difficult, even dangerous, for someone to ask perfectly reasonable questions about the contradictions and bizarre "new light" teachings.

The sense of Unity was a central part of the "us and them" narrative integral to any cult. The line between "us JWs" and "them" could be drawn as a barrier even between family members and close friends.

As soon as someone stepped outside the JW category through fading, disfellowshipping, or apostasy, it did not matter how close the family or friendship ties were. They became an agent of Satan in our eyes, and our sense of unity with the organisation was held sovereign above everything.

"No natural affection amongst themselves."

Identification Exercise: Unity

• What did your sense of belonging to "Jehovah's people" cost you? What decisions did you make, or fail to make, because leaving would have meant losing that identity?
• Is there a difference between the unity you felt inside the organisation and genuine belonging as you experience it now? What does that difference feel like?
• Where in your life do you notice the pull of tribal loyalty overriding your own judgment? Are there groups, communities, or causes where you go along with the consensus because dissent would feel like betrayal?
• On a scale of 1-10, how effective was this tactic when it was used against you?